Most parents work to give children the best start possible, but it’s also important for parents to recognize that kids come into the world with their own temperaments, personalities, and goals. While parents may want to push their child down a certain path, a parents’ job is to provide an interface with the world that ultimately prepares a child for complete independence and the ability to pursue whatever path they choose.
In a rapidly changing world, parenting can be subject to fads and changing styles, and parenting in some privileged circles has become a competitive sport.
But the needs of child development as delineated by science remain relatively stable: safety, structure, support, and love.Parenting or child rearing is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.
Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a biological relationship.
Today it is My Pleasure to Have a beautiful Conversation With
DR. ISHINNA SADANA
Dr. Ishinna Sadana is a Parenting Expert and Counselor. with a Ph.D in Human Development
from PAU. Having completed her M.Sc. in Human Development and Childhood Studies from
Delhi University, she has also done parenting certifications from Feeling Minds, India and from
prestigious Yale University, US.
Dr. Ishinna Sadana has years of experience in working with parents, teachers and children. She was also associated as a teacher trainer with Maple Bear Canadian School, Punjab and Queen’s College, Indore.
Dr. Ishinna Sadana runs a centre by the name of New Insights where she takes personal
counseling sessions for parents and children. Dr. Sadana also conducts workshops for parents
on various issues to help them connect better with their children as she believes in building
bridges between parents and children enabling them to solve problems on their own.
◆What is Parenting counseling
●Parenting is an overwhelming experience. Parents face various challenges at different stages
and ages of children. Counseling gives an opportunity to parents to discuss and share with a qualified professional what’s going on in their family – it gives them a safe place of non-judgment and confidentiality – no matter what they are going through. Parent counseling
guides and helps parent in resolving their issues, dealing with their own anger and frustration. It
aims to empower parents with tools and strategies to effectively deal with their children and
connect with them. Moreover counseling is always tailored to whatever needs and struggles
the parent is facing.
◆What is good parenting
●Good parenting is reflected by the parent’s behaviour. There is nothing as a perfect ‘parent’, it’s
how you connect with your child, understand his/her needs, help him/her to thrive and
ultimately guide them in becoming their best version.
We cannot control children’s behaviour, it’s the child’s job to change and control
himself/herself. But a connection can be maintained through empathy, calm approach and understanding the needs and feelings underlying the child’s behaviour and this can definitely give the parent some influence in the child’s behaviour.
◆How to provide happy and positive environment to child
●Parents put so much effort in providing their children with material comforts in an endeavour
to make them happy but the fact is that a happy and positive environment is one where
children know that they are loved no matter what and are accepted the way they are.
Also, children are watching us and constantly and learning from what we are doing in front of
them. There are always ups and downs in life, but it’s important to display good ways of
celebrating success and happy moments while showing healthy ways of dealing with the struggles, conflicts and failures. The environment at home plays a very crucial role in shaping the personality of the child.
◆How to deal with stubborn behaviour of children
● First of all we should remember that all behaviour is just non-verbal communication. Children’s
behaviour is the tip of the ice-berg—there are a lot of layers underneath– the reasons because of which that particular behaviour is manifesting – we need to look past the behaviour and touch the underneath layers – these layers may consist of unexpressed feelings, unmet needs
or emotions that child is unable to handle.
So, when a child is acting stubborn – we need to find that emotion and connect with him/her by
empathizing with the child.
Let the child know that you really understand what he or she is
feeling through your words, tone and attitude. Remaining calm is very essential. And then of
course, you have to calmly put down the rule or the boundary and let them know the reason for the boundary. And instantly after that give them some options or ways in which they can follow these rules – so they don’t feel powerless in that situation.
◆How to deal with tantrums in children
● Unlike adults, children cannot regulate emotions. It’s important for parents stay calm and not
to add on to the chaos during the child’s tantrum. Most important is never to give in to the tantrum – if we do it once or twice then our children learn that in order to get something
tantrums sometimes work and so they try it everytime. This leads to an increase in the frequency and intensity of tantrums.
It’s important to explore the needs and emotions under the behaviour – is the child hungry, tired, lonely, over excited? We must empathize, acknowledge and connect with their feelings
and let the tantrum pass.
◆ Now a days Screen (Phone &Gadget) have become an essential part of life. How to prevent
children from gadgets
● We need to realize that screen and gadgets are a part of our lives now and we can’t separate
our children completely from gadgets. But we can be is conscious and cautious. Parents can do
1. Being vigilant about the quantity as well as the quality of screen time.
2. Making clear rules about screen time with the help of the child. Children should be a
part of making rules. These rules should be followed calmly and consistently.
3. Managing our own screen time in front of children.
4. Involving children in different activities, replacing screen time with hobbies or interests.
5. Helping children explore activities beyond screen time to break their boredom.
◆ Children don’t speak bad words, they speak heard words. Dispute with spouse affects children
behaviour. How to avoid this situation
● Though it is better for both parents to agree to the same parenting styles and be on the same
page while dealing with children sometimes disputes are bound to happen.
A few points that
parents can keep in mind are:
1. Display good conflict resolution styles.
2. Children should not be put in a position to take sides.
3. Children should not be able to manipulate parents because of their disputes. Parenting
should be teamwork.
4. Even if one parent does not agree with the other parent’s parenting style – remember
both parents have equal rights with their children and it’s important to do your bit and
remember that you can only control your own behaviour.
◆ How to deal with angry or hopeless child
● Children go through different emotions. We need to let them know, it’s okay to feel what they
are feeling. We need to accept their emotions and give them a non-judgemental space to express these. It’s very important to talk to them and listen to them and help them to
understand their own feelings. This helps the parent in connecting with the child and also develops emotional quotient in children. After this connection, the parent can discuss
alternative ways of thinking and looking at the situations and show them alternative ways of
◆ How to motivate and spread positivity in a child
● Children should be accepted the way they are. Parents need to believe in them and convey that
belief in their behaviour, words and tone. Children need to listen to good things about themselves, the things that they can do instead of what they can’t do. So the trick is that we
should praise children way more that we correct them or criticize them. And of course, we need to be good role models ourselves.
Children should be given responsibilities according to their age.Tthere should be a balance
between providing for them and letting them earn some facilities to keep the motivation alive.
It’s important for parents to help children take their own decisions and in this way empower them to deal with their problems and feelings.
◆ How to maintain a positive relationship between parent and child
● Parents should remember that their job is to love the child no matter what. I always suggest my
clients have five positive interactions for every negative interaction that they have with their children. Also, they need to have realistic expectations from their children. Adopting positive
discipline techniques is extremely important which I talk about in my workshops.
Maintaining a positive connect with the child should be the priority and remember ‘connection
gives you influence’.
◆A message to Parents
● I want to say this to parents that although times have changed with the advent of technology,
media, changed family set ups and therefore so have the challenges in parenting, trust me, your parenting techniques have a big role in shaping the personality of your children and you should not underestimate that.
It’s true that we can’t control and change the children’s behaviour but
with the right parenting approach and by making a positive connect we can go a long way in
giving them a gentle nudge in the right direction.Many a times I have heard parents saying ‘if only I knew this I would have handled things differently with my kids’. So please keep taking this knowledge through workshops or personal or group parenting sessions and empower yourself.
Remember we get only one chance in a life time for raising a kid right and it’s the most important job of our life.
So, let’s walk towards happier parenting, leading towards happier children.
DR. ISHINNA SADANA